HATENA.BLOG

This course load might be the death of me honestly. 23 assignments due this Sunday? Seriously? It's already been hard enough taking care of my health while balancing this much work, while still alotting myself a little time to draw a bit and code. My therapist told me that drawing and coding is a non-negotiable need for myself so I am trying to still update things and squash bugs here and there.

To be quite honest with you I feel like absolute shit. I have like MAYBE a handful of friends + mutuals who I enjoy talking to and catching up with, but when you're going through chronic illness, terminal illness, weight loss, friend loss, and college work all at once... it becomes painfully evident that nobody wants to deal with all that. Or yet, nobody knows how... to deal with all of that, so most just simply don't. I want to reach out, yet I don't know what to say. I wish others knew how difficult existing is for me. I wish more people checked on me.

I've been alternating between coding and drawing lately, in order to keep my mind busy and fresh. Although it's a little stressful now juggling a different type of coding all together for my coursework, but alas I wanted to go into healthcare... (ﾉ_ヽ)

I did my nails today, they're mahjong tiles lol since I'm currently fixated on Mahjinn and her lore (the new character I finished recently). I really had a lot of fun designing and animating her, now it's time for me to work up a concept for her father. I've already got some good iDiAs brewing <44

I'll have to reference how some other netizens display galleries, as I think my gallery page should be a little more in-depth, and should be wider and have more of my portfolio present. That might be a project I'll tackle later this season, as I've got bigger fish to fry right now

🎣(￣ヘ￣)

I've successfully finished my forth week of courses; I'm actually happy to be back doing what I do best. The course load has been kinda insane though... Like, 19 assignments for the first week of school seems a bit excessive, but sure Jan. whatever floats ur boat I guess...
ദ്ദി◝ ⩊ ◜*cries myself to sleep*

If you're reading this you've probably noticed there's been some fun updates and tweaks to my website! I've squashed some bugs, tended to the garden, and grown some fruit straight from the dirt. You may see fresh faces, and maybe even some Easter eggs!
huehue... ( ´_ゝ`)

I'm a little embarrassed about my site, but still ultimately I'm proud of myself for just saying fuck it! xD I'm trying to encapsulate my childhood (and autistic lol) paracosm of me drawing comics and cartoons in the margins of my composition books, not sure if it's working... TwT oh well, anyways-

I finally finished my new character animation, and my last commission! ^_^ although I had to reset my FC2 counter for my site since it apparently wasn't counting direct hits to my website, idk how I fucked that up but it is what it is! Welcome to the new world, new visitors!

If you're too shy to say hi, you can use the button below to clap! ^_^ there's also another clap button available on my mainsite. I look forward to meeting you again on the world wide web. I don't bite though, if you'd wanna chat~

Historically, it's always been difficult for me to cope with being invisible. Not being seen, heard, or ever chosen it seems. I don't know how many countless nights I've shed tears over being the only one ever accompanying my shadow. But honestly? I've been finding more comfort and solace in solitary as of late. It's not nearly as terrifying as I thought to be alone, and in fact I think it's probably safer this way.

As always though, I do what I do best and I alchemize any past & present pains that still linger around my cranium. Been animating and coding a lot to keep my mind and fingers busy. I am always pushing through the pain, but when will it stop?
Ugh... I hate when I ask myself that question.

Every piece that I make takes a lot out of me. Every line of code as well. Being a disabled artist is no walk in the park (no pun intended, oh my..). The appropriation of my work only sharpens why it matters so much. Why I now choose to share it on my own terms and to honor the care and attention behind every piece. This is my own personal corner, and I'm happy no one can take that from me.